Friday, November 07, 2008

Zane Gross

It is with deep sadness that we announce the death of Zane David James Gross. Zane was found dead this morning with immediate circumstances suggesting a possible heroin overdose. Results from a toxicology study will take approximately 6 weeks to confirm the actual cause of death. Zane was originally from Southern Oregon and came to Portland almost 2 years ago. He was screened for services and has engaged with various Homeless Youth Continuum services since his arrival. Recently Zane successfully completed drug treatment and was hoping to make significant changes in his life. His death is extremely painful for all of us who had the pleasure of experiencing his gregarious and gentle nature and is somehow even more stinging as it arrives on the heels of the recent Vulnerability Index survey. Zane's death is another cruel reminder of just how fragile the lives of young people living on the streets really are. Memorial services will be announced soon. Rest in peace, Zane.
Zane Gross
March 25, 1990-November 7, 2008

47 comments:

Rastaman said...

Zane did in fact die of a heroin overdose, having survived the previous time when he nearly died of one. Zane has two able-bodied and capable parents who both apparently cared more about their own "free-spirit" lifestyles than their children, as I'm told Zane was pretty much discarded by his father and I guess he didn't want to be around his mother much as he preferred to live on the streets. His mother, again this is hear-say, calls herself "White Trash" on Youtube. With parental self-esteem at such a terribly low level as that, it's no wonder Zane didn't have enough of it to survive.

He was immensely musically talented, and he could have had a good life and a fine career if not for his unfortunate upbringing.

William Cartwright II said...
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Zanes Mama said...

Dear Rastaman and others: Zane does not originally come from Southern Oregon--he comes from Portland, just the same as I , his mother, and we lived there for a time. Zane's upbringing was full of love and is where he got his musical talent and influence for his witty, unique personality. As it happens, Zane stayed home with me where I took the best care of him with all my love, only taking to the streets to hide a drug habit. Whenever he disappeared, I took my pregnant self, and then my baby in a stroller, and spent untold hours, days, blisters tracking him down to bring him back home. When he finally couldn't hide a serious addiction, he and I put our strong spirits together and, with the total help of NAFY, got him thru detox and onto a good change in life. I and his brothers, his many family members, and friends spent our lives loving and helping Zane, who fervently loved us back, and tried so desparately hard to kick a habit he never wanted in the first place. Yes, Zane has two able-bodied parents--and never in my life have I loved anything or anyone above my children. Zane knew this as truth and if he were here now to read your comment, he would be the first one to correct you, and probably want to kick your butt for speaking in such a way about his mama. I appreciate your passion and love for Zane, however. Yes-he was amazing and should not have died. Turn your hate to herione dealers now, and DO something constructive about the real problem.

Black Sheep said...
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desi said...

Zane would have HATED having anyone speak poorly of his mother - she was his favorite person in the world. You have chosen her as scapegoat incorrectly.

Zane did what he did through a series of bad choices despite having THREE homes that all wanted to take him in and help him overcome his problems. His mother, myself, and a friend in Portland all wanted him safe and clean, and opened our homes -- if he had chosen to stay. But drugs always pulled him back.

His choices led to his terrible death and no manner of laying blame takes the onus off Zane himself.

MAKE GOOD CHOICES.

Black Sheep said...
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Zanes Mama said...

Dear Rastaman, Black Sheep, and All, I havnt been on here in a while. Its too painful. So I just now saw your latest comments. You must review my comments and realize that I certainly never denied responsibility for Zane's life and demise. I have blamed myself and probably will for eternity. I've blamed all of you for encouraging him to do heroine, to stay downtown instead of going home, where it WAS definitely better than downtown. Ive blamed his dad for wrongfully rejecting Zane. Blame, blame, blame. IT DOES NO GOOD WHATSOEVER. Yet I will not be able to help but blame MYSELF, and recycle all the ways I am responsible, for the rest of my f***ing life. Like I said. Re-read my prior comments and you'll realize I NEVER denied myself this purgatory. And fat lot of good it does me or his brothers or you or anyone else now.
I lost my child when I had JUST had in MY grasp! NOT JUST LOVE!! RE-READ MY COMMENTS!! I WORKED MY A** OFF TO HELP HIM AND IT DID HELP HIM.
You truly have no idea what you're talking about. I am grieving for Zane beyond anything you could possibly imagine. Slinging your false accusations and unsolicited, impertinent advice is not only ridiculously hurtful but wrong. Time for you to lay off. IF ANYONE NEEDS TO HEAR WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY, ITS HIS DAD! Even so, he is living in his own Hell and retribution. Just save it.

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Zanes Mama said...
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Zanes Mama said...
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Black Sheep said...
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Black Sheep said...
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Zanes Mama said...

Wow, I don't know who you are but you DEFINITELY don't know who I am! I NEVER did drugs of ANY kind, and you have NO idea what you're talking about. But I really don't have to defend myself to you, and I'm not going to.
I am Zane's mother and I miss him, and I always will. I will likely never stop needing to somehow say that to him, from time to time, exactly like visiting a grave, or "talking to him" at his memorial site on meaningful days.
Obviously it was a mistake to use this forum to do that. You can have it. Life, minus missing my son, is great, btw. We thrive in honor of him.

Black Sheep said...
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Zanes Mama said...
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Black Sheep said...
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Zanes Mama said...

Zane: May this forum only, and ever after, serve just to honor you, as it was meant to when it was created by the grace and love of Yellow Brick Road and Porch Light, 3 yrs ago. And forgive my and others' earthly plights to drama. You are not forgotten nor are your loved-ones' lives (Me, your brothers, Mark, Dallas, Lilah, so many more). We flourish in your honor, and because of it. We would be horridly remiss in not learning from you now. You remain, since conception, a Miracle above all else, no matter how many years go by. Love, Momma

Maia Libre said...

I met Zane once, in 2003. He was, at the time, a really close friend of my cousin. I was immediately taken by everything about him and wanted to know everything I could about him in one night. He was my first kiss, and the first person I ever really fell for. We talked briefly, as preteens, about our families, our hopes, and our dreams.

Even at 12 years old, even after just a few hours' worth of knowing him, it was obvious to tell Zane was one of the most loving and beautiful people alive. It was his personality and that long black hair with the goofy smile that did me in.

The next time I visited Portland, he had moved to LA the week prior. I'm so sad that I never got to keep in contact with him, or see him again, and learning about his death 4 years too late strikes a pain deep within my heart.

RIP, Zane. For what it's worth, I miss you.

Suzan28 said...

I think Zane made his own choices and he would be saddened to know his mother blames herself...I think that is the last thing he would want.

I pray that he is at peace now...

Zanes Mama said...

Zane, I have Mark here. Adam and Mark and Aedan and I met you at the square last night....The candles, the chalking outline of your brick, the usual staving off of security to let us 'defacate the bricks' to honor you ( they stare, study, then the young bucks go soft and let us go on, lol, even let us smoke...., only YOU could pull that off :-) )) And we had our memorial.
I know...Harlan didn't make it because he's thriving in school in Sheridan, but you know his heart hears you the most. Mark's here!!!! You're doing this! got Dallas to get clean!! Nicole!!! Mark can make it, too.
Zane, it was just yesterday, but four years from then, we are doing this....I promised you we would do this more than a hundred times until it took....Well, we got a thousand times to go, and your friends are waiting...God, I love you and miss you so fucking much, you amazing prodigal genius beautiful epic son.
(And I'm feeling L, too, so don't worry :-) )
Love you, Prince of Portland, King of Oregon. Momma 11/7/12

Zanes Mama said...

Still the Prince of Ptld, King of Oregon, son, and we're still getting them clean. Your spirit felt this last month, for ur birthday. Eternal love, Momma

Zanes Mama said...

I'm sry if this is too belated, but I just saw your post and want to thank you so much, Maia. :-) -Am

Zanes Mama said...

Thank you, Suzan.

Zanes Mama said...

Hey kiddo. It's not ur bday, or any anniversary of some kind. Just needed to outlet that i'm thinking of you, as i always do, and the rest of Us are, too. Miss you like no one could know. And the rest of Us do, too. :-) love u, epic zaners.

Zanes Mama said...

Thank you, Suzan

Zanes Mama said...

Thank u, so much Maia :-)

Zanes Mama said...

Thank u, so much Maia :-)

Zanes Mama said...

Thank u, so much Maia :-)

Zanes Mama said...

Thank u, so much Maia :-)

kyle pillsbury said...

I can't believe its been almost seven years now since Zane passed. I was there that night, and the last person to speak to him. He was so happy that night. It was my first time seeing him in three months, and he was so healthy, he told me he had been clean for almost three months. We sat and bullshitted while he played his guitar. He loved to play Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet, and was an amazing musician. When I woke up the next morning I saw him hanging halfway off his bed, and my world died. Zane was one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. He will always be missed.

Zanes Mama said...

Love <3

Zanes Mama said...

Zane, i just fkng miss you, son. I guess that will never end, not that we'd want it to. Just...I'd give my soul to feel your cool hand on my forehead, my warm arm around your shoulders, making another day fly by, and rest, safe and sound.i do the same for ur brothers, and they give me life, equally, such joy, that i know u see. But im just taljing about you, son. I miss you. I love you. To pains, i always Will. Plz keep showing up the way u do, plz, im not ever done loving u. I might be the ghost . I can't let go...

Zanes Mama said...
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